Also, some of my wonderful, amazing friends and classmates (and I) got published over the summer!! I’ll include a link to mine and a few others, but please check them all out, if you can!!

Mine: http://mynorth.com/2015/08/playing-violins-on-a-northern-michigan-dock/

Lilly’s: http://mynorth.com/2015/08/memories-of-a-northern-michigan-farm/

Rachel’s: http://mynorth.com/2015/07/making-northern-michigan-syrup/

Andrew’s: http://mynorth.com/2015/09/morel-hunting-in-northern-michigan/

And more!!

I love these guys and their pieces, and I think you will, too!! Enjoy!! 😀

NEW SERIES

Hi folks!!

I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO APOLOGIZE, BECAUSE I’M JUST A JERK AND FORGET MY PREVIOUS PROMISES AND RANDOMLY ABANDON MY BLOG FOR MONTHS AT A TIME.

So hi!!

So much has happened, though!! I don’t want to give too much away because I have quite a few stories to tell at this point, and fair warning: the weeks to come will include lions, midnight strolls down frat row, romance, not-so-romantic-encounters, roommates, lecture halls, a creepy van, and the “High School Musical” soundtrack. Confused? Don’t worry, all shall be revealed soon!! I’ll try to publish them as often as possible (or at least regularly, even if it’s once a week or something), but YES!! In the meantime, though, I just wanted to check in with you guys (if you’re still there, YES, LET’S DO THIS THING!! If you’ve all left and gotten on with your lives, YES, YOU DO YOUR THING, I AM NOT JUDGING YOU IN THE SLIGHTEST!!), you’re all awesome, FIRE UP CHIPS!! (I disappoint myself, too…)

Over and out, rinse, repeat. Later!!

Update!!

Hi guys!!

So, it’s been awhile since we sat down and had a heart-to-heart so today, instead of posting some something from Creative Writing, I’m going to do a brief rundown of the craziness that’s been my life lately.

First and foremost, I graduated from college!! My time at North Central Michigan College, and being a tutor at the Writing Center, has officially come to a close as I emerge after two years with my Associate of Arts degree. It was very bittersweet because the reception afterwards forced me to say goodbye to the two groups of people who have made my time at NCMC a brilliant one: my motley yet dear group of friends and partners and crime, and to my team of amazing, brilliant professors and mentors (and yes, also partners in crime). To both groups, thank you: you have always been there for me and encouraged me to succeed. Everyday, you made me feel like a member of your family, and always gave me a home away from home by simply being my friend and there for me when I needed an ally. Day in and day out, I was challenged to put my best foot forward and without your constant and unfailing support, I would never have been able to rise to the challenge. With laughter and tears, I must bid you farewell, but that’s only with the knowledge that, most likely, this isn’t the end of our friendships, but rather the beginning of better adventures. With all luck, our paths will cross again but in the meantime, stay awesome!!

Second, as of yesterday I am officially a student a Central Michigan University! I honestly don’t know how to feel because everything is happening all at once, but for the most part I am thrilled!! I’m going in as a junior which means I can actually immediately start their anthropology program in the fall, and that will be awesome! My schedule is already looking fantastic, I am so excited to start these classes and thus the program that will eventually lead to me earning the degree of my dreams. I’m worried because I’m going to a campus where I only know a handful of people, but I signed up for a few programs that will help me meet more students who are the same boat that I’m in. Whatever happens, though, it’s an adventure!!

Third, and the biggest thing: my family and I are moving from the north. It’s weird to think that this is my last full summer in Northern Michigan, at least for a while, as I’ve spent the majority of my life here. Again, I have to remind myself that this is an adventure, not a finality, but the stage in between is very odd at best.

That’ll be all for now, but let me now how your lives are going! In the meantime, though, stay awesome and chin up, you’ve got this!!

POETRY

IT’S POETRY DAY!!

 

Also, hello 😀

Bedtime

Born from shadow, dark of heart,

The monsters weave, scurry, and dart,

Under the bedframe and at the door,

Their deadly claws gash at the floor

As they wait for nightfall.

Once my parents are asleep,

From the closet monsters creep,

Their favorite game is hide-and-seek,

Though they always make the floorboards creak

 While they find their spots.

Some nights they hide beneath my bed,

I want to peek, but I dread

That I shall find whatever lurks

Below, so I wait, and it smirks,

Once again victorious.

My eyes are heavy, but I fight

To stay awake against the night,

The curtain flutters, who is there?

Perhaps a vampire, who stands and stares,

Waiting for me to sleep.

I lose the battle and close my eyes,

And pray towards darkened skies

For the monsters to go to sleep,

To give up their game, to no longer creep,

But to take a break and rest.

For Alex.

I’M BACK, GUYS, I PROMISE THAT I DID NOT FORGET ABOUT YOU!!

Here’s more Creative Writing for you guys, but a back story on this particular piece before y’all read it: a friend and fellow IYSO 2014-alumni died last month, and I wrote this in his memory soon after. Enjoy, and as always, rest in peace, Alex.

A Fond Farewell

The first time I encountered death, I was standing in front of my great-grandmother’s coffin at the measly age of six, wondering who on Earth this woman was and why everyone was crying. The next time, I was fourteen and hugging my crying aunt, tears filling my eyes as I asked myself why cancer had to claim my sweet uncle as its next victim. Neither of these, however, could compare to hearing the news that a member of the orchestra I toured with last summer had died.

His name was Alex. I had spoken to him only a few times in person and occasionally online, so we weren’t close enough to call one another “friend.” One of the times we did speak, however, lingers in my mind. We were standing in an arbor with our orchestra, waiting for the cue to load the buses and head to the airport and eventually Europe. The stringed-instrument players weren’t allowed to open their music cases as they were already prepped for the flight, but the wind instrumentalists were not so easily dissuaded. As our friends and counselors giggled and flaunted their musical abilities, I turned to see Alex watching one of the students practicing, his eyes alight with fascination.

“Alex, do you know how to play flute?” one of the student soloists called over, her silver flute glinting brightly in the summer sun.

“Not well,” he replied hesitantly. “I know a few songs, but not a lot.”

“Go for it!” she smiled encouragingly, thrusting the flute at his chest.

His eyes widened fearfully, but he nodded nonetheless. He raised the flute to his lips and inhaled sharply. The flute soloist and I gasped; that rotten liar. The music soaring from the flute was absolutely beautiful, so bright and happy that even the people nearby stopped their racket to listen. It was as if the Alex and the flute were one and the same, and though he wasn’t at the skill level of the soloist, he played with the enthusiasm and soul of a musical veteran.

The melody ended too soon, and he sheepishly lowered the flute. After a moment of awed silence, the small crowd erupted into applause as he, ruddy faced, gently returned the instrument to its owner.

“Alex, that was awesome!” I grinned widely. “Where did you learn to play?!”

He laughed, scratching his head awkwardly. “I taught myself. I mean, I’m in band now but when I first started I wasn’t very good, so I took private lessons and tried to improve. I can also play the violin, viola, piano, clarinet, and a few others.”

I exhaled gustily. “Dude, that’s so awesome!”

“Thanks,” he grinned back shyly.

We really didn’t speak after that, but he was a part of our tightly knit community, and we were, and still are, a family. During the next several months following our travels in Europe, the other members of the orchestra and I watched as Alex’s health slowly depleted; at least once a month, he had to be rushed to the hospital, for various reasons. He never specifically told us what was wrong, but we knew he was scared: he needed major organ transplants (including a heart and both lungs), but for months he was left simply waiting for news.

He suffered for a long time, but that didn’t stop him from living: he was a fantastic cellist, and frequently participated in competitions (in which he usually earned top ribbon) or performed solos for friends and family at the hospital he himself frequented. More often than not, you could find him proudly cheering his friends and sister, or taking stacks of pictures of his adorable Havanese support dog.

Three days after his seventieth birthday, his sister announced the wretched news: Alex had died, just days after finally receiving the heart and lungs he had been waiting so long for. She assured us, and the rest of Alex’s friends, that it was peaceful, but that didn’t prevent us from mourning. Our orchestra members were scattered across Michigan, many out of state, but we pulled together as best as we could in his memory; it was at that point we realized that many of us hadn’t known Alex very well, but we still had considered him our friend.

Before Alex’s death, I wasn’t a stranger to the notion of mortality, but I certainly didn’t understand it: I would often romanticize death, even to the extent that I convinced myself as a young child that I was going to die tragically before I turned eighteen; at that point, I didn’t know anyone at that time who had died before their eighteenth birthday. It seemed like a deliciously horrible way to go, that dreadful end that readers love to hate at the end of their favorite character’s life; it was like an addiction, so horrible in its pungent sweetness but all at once, everything changed.

There are few words to fairly describe the crushing and horrific blow of losing someone, especially if they are younger than you. When you first find out, it is as if the oxygen is stolen from the room; your chest constricts, your heart races, and no matter where you go or what you do, the image of the person’s face cannot escape your mind.  As the sun wanes, the pain morphs into a hellish fury: why, why in the name of God did Alex have to die? He was young, kind, and so open-hearted – why him? If a person like Alex suffers for years but yet still remains strong, does that not give them the right to keep fighting for a chance to live?

The inferno of pure wrath is unbearable, but it soon flickers out, leaving only the ashes of feeling in its wake. Where there was once emotions, there is now a sense of overwhelming nothingness, a fog without end. The fog was eventually broken, literally, by a sunrise; I remember the sunrise on the morning following his death was particularly beautiful, and I realized something – Alex couldn’t see the same sunrise that I could anymore. At that moment, all of the feelings I had unintentionally repressed poured out at once, and all I could do was curl up in one the alcoves at my school and cry; it was only after I could cry about Alex that I knew it would be okay – not right now, and not soon, but eventually.

We as humans are obsessed with “first” milestones: a baby’s first word, an adolescent’s first kiss, a young hunter’s first kill; the milestone that isn’t necessarily spoken of as often is a person’s first death. No, not the first time they themselves die, but the first time he or she sees death in all of its naked worth – without the robes of romanticism or the frivolous ignorance of youth, but with humility and respect. The first death, be it human or creature, can teach you more about mortality than any book or movie can ever portray, because it’s real: finally, it’s the acute realization that death is more than an inscription on a tombstone or a number in a ledger, it’s a person and a family and a community, all affected.

Alex’s death taught me that living is more than the religion you practice or the job you work, more than the money in your wallet or even your health: life is about making do and doing well with the time you have, even if you don’t know how long that is, about taking the wonderful and crappy cards reality dealt you and still having the courage to play. Alex touched lives, including mine, and that wasn’t because he was another story of a person who’d died too soon: it was because he was strong and talented, who made people smile and be merry even if there wasn’t necessarily anything to be happy about. There aren’t enough Alexs in the world, and even less so now, but if more of us could be a little like Alex and intent on helping friends and strangers alike smile just a little more, I think the world would be a more pleasant and beautiful place.

A Donkey Named Assius and Other Stories

More creative writing, enjoy!!

It was midafternoon when we arrived. Just over the trees along the side of the gravel road, I could see a weathered edge of the Abbaye’s tiled roof and walls winking up at us in the summer glow. Lugging instrument cases, music folder boxes, and the conductor’s podium, we slowly made our way down a winding, dusty, and sweltering path, occasionally relieved by the cool shade of trees. As we trooped into the clearing at the base of the hill, my heart skipped a beat; there before us and in all of its quiet magnificence sat the Abbaye-de-Silvacane. It wasn’t the largest building I had seen in France, but it had a personality all its own – humble, poised, and dignified, and it almost seemed to be watching us like a protective yet stoic guardian. It was like meeting a hero I had only read about in books – a 16th century cathedral, sitting before me like a long-lost friend. Limitless history seemed to soar overwhelmingly like music notes from its dusky stone walls, slender windows and beautiful but quaint gardens. All I could do was stand and stare, agape in awe, until I was eventually interrupted by the sweaty and remarkably unamused equipment crew who were in the process of grumpily hauling double-basses down the slope. I shouldered my violin case and stumbled into the church.

The interior of the church was so incredible – the vaulted ceiling, supported by cool stone walls and elegant pillars, soared above us in its effortless expanse. Light filtered through the windows with a celestial aura. The center of the Abbaye was entirely filled metal chairs in preparation for the next two evenings’ performances, and pillows lined up on the stone half-walls for extra seating. We weaved a path through the church and climbed a short, steep flight of stairs to a small, brightly light room. I set my case and bag into an alcove in the wall next to my friend Katie’s, before hurrying back to help with the equipment. As soon as everything was inside and accounted for, we set up for dress rehearsal and got to work.

About midway through rehearsal, we discovered something perplexing – an echo. In all of our previous rehearsal locations, the acoustics had been just enough that we could hear one another, but not nearly to this extent. The longer we played, the more horrific we sounded, until we were eventually so discombobulated that our conductor, Herr Klaue, cut us off with a laugh.

“Disorienting, no?” he chuckled. “The echo in here lasts for 12 seconds, from the time it leaves your instruments to the time it finally stops. It shouldn’t be a problem for the audience, because all they’ll hear is beautiful music. For us, though, it will be a nightmare. Just remember – we’ve played this music so many times, you guys know what to expect, so just tough it out and I promise you all, we can get through this.”

We nodded and grimly got back to work. We managed to get through the pieces, but they just didn’t sound right. Our tiny audience, mostly composed of a camera crew and those who worked in the Abbaye’s tiny tourist shop, cheered us on and assured us that we sounded great. Eventually, Herr Klaue dismissed us and, after we put our instruments back upstairs, we filed outside to a line of sandwiches, fresh fruit, and juice, all prepared by a few wonderful ladies from our community. I grabbed a ham-and-brie sandwich and wandered into the nearby woods – not far, but just enough to have a bit of peace and quiet for the first time since leaving the States – and made camp on a smooth tree stump.

“EEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW!!!”

I froze mid-chomp, setting my sandwich cautiously back on my lap. I turned to see a strange onlooker – a donkey, peering curiously at me through a chain link fence about 10 yards away. I tiptoed closer and held up my hand to him; he nuzzled it gently and rubbed his nose against the fence; with a grin, I reached through and rubbed his ears. After a moment, I pulled my hand back and ran back to the gaggle of other students in search of my dear friend Noah. I eventually found him perched on a large rock with a few girls, all giggling as they tried to sort out which drink belonged to which person.

“Noah-Noah-Noah-Noah,” I chanted, tugging on his shirt sleeve impatiently.

“Hmm?” He turned to me, surprised.

“C’mon, c’mon, I’ve gotta show you something!!”

“Ooo, what is it?” He asked curiously, his eyes lighting up mischievously.

“It’s hard to explain, just c’mon!!”

He jumped up and together we skipped into the forest to my camp. The donkey was waiting for us, braying happily as we drew closer.

Noah squealed excitedly, flailing his arms with the wild abandon of a T-Rex.

“I KNOW, RIGHT?!” I flailed my arms as well. “He’s SUPER friendly, too, look!!”

I stuck my hand back through the fence and rubbed the donkey’s cheek; he closed his eyes contentedly, pushing his face closer to the fence. Noah nervously reached his hand through and ever-so gently stroked the donkey’s ear.

We stood there for a moment in amazed silence, interrupted only by the occasional ‘whoop’ from the crowd near the Abbaye and the flick of the donkey’s tail.

“This donkey’s, like, the most hella rad animal I’ve ever met,” Noah eventually announced, grinning from ear to ear.

I nodded solemly. “I’m obsessed with this little guy, he’s AWESOME!!”

“He’s gonna, like… save the world someday,” Noah joked.

“He’s gonna be like Lassie the dog, only “Assie,” I teased, ruffling the donkey’s mane.

“OH MY GOD, YES!!” Noah crowed, high-fiving me enthusiastically.

“It’s official, little guy – we shall call you Assius, or Assie for short,” I told Assie, gently rubbing the tip of his nose.

Assie paid us no mind, replying only by pushing his nose further into my hand, silently ordering me to keep petting him.

A shrill whistle from the whistle broke our moment; we exchanged a glance and sighed sadly.

“Well, see ya later, Assie,” I said despondently, giving him one last pat before reclaiming my hand. Noah did the same, and together we trudged back towards the others, turning just once to wave goodbye as Assie brayed from his fence.

Once back in the church, we grabbed our concert clothes and the guys were shooed away to the bathrooms to change, which was a considerable hike from the church. As soon as they were gone, we filed down to one of the rooms just outside the inner courtyard downstairs and changed into our concert uniforms, a white polo with Blue Lake’s International logo and just for the girls, the most ridiculous palazzo pants we have ever seen. When we were again assembled upstairs, we tuned our instruments and waited for our first European performance to begin. Herr Klaue had told us earlier that we were not to go downstairs until it was time for us to play, as it showed the professionalism and finesse of the International program, as well as customary European concert etiquette.

Eventually, Herr Klaue himself trundled up the stairs and separated us into our sections. One by one, they filed out and sat down, all the while avoiding creating any noise. The hall was lively with the clamor of a massive audience; all of the seats were filled, and people lined the sides of the church and were craning to catch the eyes of their American host children. My hands vibrated with nervousness and excitement as I eyed the crowd, searching for a dear friend who was attending the concert that very night.

My stand partner, Tyler, leaned closer to me. “Hey, want to do an experiment?”

I eyed him, barely smothering a wicked grin. “Oh, pray tell,” I whispered back.

“I want to see if I shush the others, how many of them will shut up.”

During the rehearsals the previous week and a half, we had be trained to stop everything we were doing if we heard either Herr Klaue or one of the counselors shushing us. None of the students, however, dared to try to shush their peers, so this was territory ripe for the taking.

I nodded, flashing him a thumbs up. He grinned back, and silently counted down from three.

“Shhhhhh,” we said simultaneously, before ducking behind our music stand.

The entire orchestra IMMEDIATELY quieted. The audience, sensing that we were about to begin, followed suit, and the cavernous hall was suddenly as silent as a graveyard. We had gotten away with it, as all of the counselors were looking around for our conductor, but at a price. Tyler held up his watch: we were exactly four minutes ahead of schedule. SHIT.

The awkward silence that ensued eventually became so painful that our beloved concertmistress, God bless her soul, calmly rose and turned to us to tune. As soon as we were finished, the crowd’s murmurs eventually resumed, and order was restored. Tyler and I nodded in newfound camaraderie – we NAILED it! Then, Herr Klaue entered and signaled for us to stand, and thus our performance began. The first night went fairly well, with only minor errors. After we had finished and sang “The Lord Bless You and Keep You” (a Blue Lake International tradition for the end of every performance), we bowed one last time and filed back up the stairs to the room. My friend Mélodie was waiting for me, and after scooping me up into an enthusiastic hug and kiss on the cheeks, whisked my luggage and I away to her mother’s car, and off we drove to her friend’s house to spend the night.

We returned to the Abbaye and, after sadly bidding Mélodie and her family farewell, I rejoined the others back in the case room, now full with luggage; we were leaving for Germany at midnight, so we had to be ready. The choir was joining us today, but thankfully we were able to put them and their belongings in the rooms downstairs. We held another dress rehearsal, which only went on to show that the echo was far from gone; this time, it was abetted by our proud choir who had been joined by a local professional choir (another Blue Lake tradition).

“Don’t forget, you guys and girls,” Herr Klaue warned us at one point, shaking his baton sternly. “We have to be OUT of here by eleven, no later, because we have to arrive in Wittstock, Germany, on time in order to stay on schedule.”

After we were dismissed for dinner and had grabbed our food, Noah and I ran into the woods and back to Assie.

100_4872

Noah and Assius

 

After giving him a bit of cheese and a pat on the head, Noah and I settled down on the fallen tree and talked… we talked and talked until the sun was just beginning to set over the Abbaye. The shrill call of our counselor’s whistle summoned us back to the Abbaye, and we dejectedly bid Assius farewell one last time. We shuffled back up to the church, changed into concert uniform, and awaited the start of the performance. On our way down the stairs into the hall, all four soloists were waiting to high-five the orchestra members.

“You’ll do great!!” Zachary, the tenor soloist, cheered.

“You guys are AWESOME!!” Jared, our baritone soloist, added.

We settled down in our sections and calmly waiting for Herr Klaue to signal us to rise. Tyler and I didn’t attempt to shush the orchestra this time around, not only because we didn’t want to give our new favorite pastime away but also because the choir doesn’t shush for anyone except their director and sometimes Herr Klaue. Eventually, we were signaled, and the performance began.

Almost immediately, we began to fall apart: the choir, both Blue Lake and local, weren’t following Klaue consistently so eventually he had to start conducting by their speed, not his, in order for us to stay afloat. During the second movement of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, we became so discombobulated by the echo, the choir, and the indecipherable conducting that everyone in the orchestra randomly stopped playing at the exact same time, with the exception of our percussionist. Smoothly, though, we picked the piece back up and finished the performance without hitch.

As Herr Klaue, the director of the choir, and one of our counselors handed out gifts to the community, Tyler and I eyed our watches; it was 11:15, we were already late and we still had to pack everything up, get on the busses, and take attendance. As soon we were dismissed, we leaped into a packing frenzy. I was a member of the music library crew, and it was my responsibility to make sure all of the first violins’ music was accounted for and was not left at any rehearsal or performance avenue. As soon as my violin was put away and I passed it on to a friend to put in the trailer, I ran downstairs to grab the folders; no one was supposed to touch the folders besides the music crew after rehearsal, but already the folders were lying on the floor or in haphazard piles along the wall. I grabbed as many as I could find belonging to the first violins and counted them up; to my horror, I was missing one folder. I ran back up to the head of our crew, Abigail, and explained my problem. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only music crew lackey to return without folders – we were missing four in all, and no one knew who had taken them or where they were put. As Abigail and I tore through the Abbaye, we managed to find two of them, and a third lying precariously in one of the window ledges. By this point, I was near tears, but I refused to let Abigail, who was also a dear friend, see and be concerned.

“Alright, shit,” Abigail whispered, her eyes wide with panic. “Head up to the busses with the others, ‘kay? I’ll go back through the music cases once we’re out of here and find it, don’t worry!”

I nodded and ran off to where the others were gathered outside the buses. It was now midnight, and everyone was tired, cranky, and above all else, entirely stressed out. The choir was waiting on their bus, but we had to wait until the trailers at the end of our buses were packed before we loaded up. I felt tears pricking my eyes. “You’ve done it now, Sydney! You lost a music folder after our very first community, how the HELL could you have possibly done that?!”

Then, a shout from the buses interrupted my gloomy reverie.

“SYDNEY!! IS THERE A SYDNEY GRIFFIN OUT THERE?!”

“I’M HERE!!” I shouted back, moving into the light.

Abigail was standing behind one of the crates, waving a folder and practically crying with joy. “Sydney, we found it!! OH MY GOSH, WE FOUND IT!!”

“YES!!!” I whooped, jumping into the air with pure, undulated happiness.

We nodded companionably at one another – that was a traumatizing scenario for the both of us. Meanwhile, the tech crew had finished packing up the trailers, and finally, we filed onto the buses. As soon as we took attendance, we settled down for the night. When we woke back up, we would be in the midst of our next adventure: Germany.

Shout-Out of the Day

This will be a short one, but I just wanted to give a quick shout-out to an awesome yet quite random inspirational moment for the day!! I was talking to one of my absolute favorite math professors, and at one point he compared sexuality to a triangle: you can calculate anything to do with a triangle no matter how it’s sitting, be it on a flat side or on an angle, because it’s still a triangle. It can be perceived as upside down at times, but it never truly is. It the same regard, some sexualities can be seen as upside down and thus wrong, but that’s only because you’re not seeing it from the right angle (yes, it’s a pun, but bear with me).

To everyone struggling with their sexual identity, take heart!! You’re not upside down or wrong, you’re perfect the way you are! Embrace it, and all the others will follow. Don’t let a faulty perception bring you down or make you feel like less of a person than you are, you’re strong and special, and you can get through whatever life throws at you!!

Until next time!!

Caspar the Friendly Puppy

The result of our in-class writing exercise today, enjoy!!

Our grandparents had always had dogs, so we were excited but not overly surprised when we saw another member to their menagerie during a visit in June of 2006. When we had first driven up, we thought my grandpa was playing with a baby bunny, and my sister and I cooed in unison. When we piled out, we were greeted by a fluffy white, wiggly jellybean of a puppy who immediately covered our noses in tiny puppy kisses. A few hours later, we learned the truth – the puppy was ours to keep. I remember how even the simplest things – putting a collar on him, giving him a bath and afterwards swaddling him like a baby – made me feel like the luckiest girl in the universe. We could hardly sit still the ride back home, and the squabbling about who would hold the puppy was so intense that my mom eventually intervened and held him on her lap, his mint green-and-gray puppy crate already forgotten and stashed in the back of the truck.

The following months were some of the sweetest ones I’ve ever known – Caspar, whose name was inspired by a previous dog we had once owned and the Friendly Ghost character that he resembled, was our puppy, and in many aspects my best friend. I told Caspar things I could never tell my siblings or parents, and he was there for me. When I was sad he curled up on my lap and stared up at me with big, doe-like brown eyes, silently begging me to cheer up. My sister and I took him everywhere, whenever possible, be it a walk down the street or mini car trips to the grocery store, and always stayed in the car with him while my mom shopped.

It was a beautiful time, but painfully brief – in September of the same year, my sister and I decided to take a break from the house. We made an agreement that if she walked him to the end of our street where the fence met the air field, I would walk him back. I grabbed my bike and away we went. We were almost to the airfield when we heard panicked yells from a nearby backyard.

“OTIS, NO!!”

I turned in time to see two Rottweilers barreling towards us, as big as bears but much faster, trailed by a man screaming for them to halt. In my confusion, I thought they were just dogs who had come to say ‘hi’ to Caspar. Morgan froze, her eyes locked on the ferocious bullets locked on us. Caspar whimpered and strained against the leash, running laps around Morgan’s legs in an effort to stay away from the dogs’ snapping jaws that were dangerously close to his rump. Then, the lead dog snatched Caspar up by the torso and shook him, back and forth and back and forth with a primal frenzy. I had seen Caspar do this so many times with his toys, but this was so different, and so wrong.

The man finally reached us, grabbed Caspar’s leash, and snatched him from Otis. Caspar had curled up into a ball, his eyes wide and unblinking and his whole body shaking like a leaf. Morgan immediately turned and ran, Caspar curled up in her arms and unmoving. I fled to my home in terror, slammed my bike down on the sidewalk and screamed for my parents. They leapt out of the house, their eyes wide with concern and even more so when my sister trotted up, short of breath and sobbing. The owners of the dogs were following in a truck, and apologized profusely for what had happened. They tried to pet Caspar, but he screamed and flinched away from them. As soon as the left, we looked down at our hands: the blood was everywhere, so scarlet in that hot sun.

“Get a towel, Sydney, now!!” My mom yelled, cradling him in her arms. I ran inside and to the basement, snatched a towel from a nearby stack, and barreled back up the stairs. My dad was shoving shoes on my two younger siblings’ feet, and then we all packed into the truck and sped off to the nearest animal hospital. During the painstaking hours that followed, I cried so much that my eyes ached and my face swelled with a ruddy hue. Eventually, the veterinarians reemerged with Caspar, who was now asleep in their arms. He’s going to be okay, they said, just be careful with him.

The ride home was absolutely silent; I stared out the window in shock, my eyes as wide as Caspar’s were just a few hours before, unblinking and unable to see the world just outside the window.

In the days that followed, he didn’t run around; there was no playing, no romp-housing and especially no walks. We held him as often as we could, and treated him as gingerly as a porcelain doll. One morning, I came downstairs to find my parents crying on the couch. Between sniffles, my mom hugged me tight and told me the awful news: Caspar had died overnight in her arms. They never told us what they did with his body, but they assured us he was somewhere safe.

Those two events – meeting him for the very first time and then watching him die, or at least the events leading up to it – go through my heart like a knife, but between them was the sweetest dog I’ve ever had the honor of knowing. If there is a dog heaven, and there must be, I think Caspar is up there, making people feel as loved and watched over as I once felt… he is our friendly ghost, plain and simple.

Until next time!!